So today we are getting REAL and by real, I mean something that’s CLEARLY close to my heart.
It’s not the usual happy go lucky kinda post – it’s really been playing on my mind so I want to get it off my chest and hopefully help some other babes in the process.
Shit here goes.
As of this VERY moment Craig and I have been engaged for TWO years and SEVEN months – According to society, opinionated people and traditional folk that’s WAY too long.
Yep. PEOPLE. Judgy people.
By the time we actually walk down the aisle ( well I walk and he stands), we are looking at almost THREE and a half years engaged…………….
See. That. Right there. I can tell that some of you are like “Woah! That’s way too long!” Some of you are like “That’s cool” and the rest of you are like “is judgy a word?” It is today.
I want to talk to the people who think a long engagement is weird – yes you – (My Gran included) – to say, it’s not weird. And to those of you lovely ladies who aren’t engaged yet and one day hope to be – I highly recommend organising a wedding in the slow lane. Long engagements are awesome!
Here is FIVE DOT points why –
- You save money ( like prob the number one reason as to why but……yolo)
- Time to prepare, ( BEING ORGANISED = LESS STRESS ) more on this below.
- Time to really be honest with your partner, you get the opportunity to discuss what you want and don’t want – without the stress of “the big day”
- Time to choose the most baben suppliers ever, yep all of my suppliers I have hand picked based on a feeling and its the BOMB DOT COM.
- Cake ohhh cake – I will get to this later
Now I am about to get SUPER DOPPER honest –
DAY two of us being engaged DAY TWO – I was on LE Google scrolling blogs, in an air bnb room, in the middle of stinking HOT New York, anxiously searching:
“I’m freaking out about saying yes”
Yep I was across all the “I am having a panic attack” blogs trying to find out if what I was feeling was “normal” what the heck is normal anyhow. I love Craig and I loved the moment, it was perfect for me and for us, every detail that unfolded was Jess and Craig
– BUT I just said yes to forever.
Being the anxious, over thinker I am NATURALLY I work up in a panic.
- Did I do the right thing?
- Why am I freaking out?
- Can I back out?
- I love him why am I so scared?
NO lies here, luckily I found a really comforting blog that reassured me that yes, it was ok to feel all the feels.
After a few wines and approximately a year and half later, I told Craig about this EXACT moment and guess what he felt EXACTLY the same.
We forget what our dudes go through, he had a HUGE build up, excitement, fear, Mothers, friends, secrets the BIG moment and finally it was all over. The last thing he actually wanted was to continue to talk about OH.MY.GOD. the wedding. Craig just wanted to soak it all in, enjoy the Yankees game and relax.
Craig has told me, that proposing was all he had been thinking about for nearly a year, it consumed him. The stress of the “moment”, thinking about a ring, trying to drop rings into the conversation in a casual way, planning a trip to Melbourne to ask both, yes both, my parents for permission to marry me and actually doing it, meant he could now breath and enjoy it actually being over.
The unfortunate thing is the way this lil ol world works is that the pressure is on straight away to find a date, save the date, book the venue, where’s the venue, will Uncle Steve and Aunty June come? Who’s Uncle Clint? What kind of a name is Clint anyway? Will I be pregnant… Will he want to call it Clint –
It’s so easy to get tied up in organising everything, it’s really easy to forget to just enjoy the moment.
Let’s give our dudes some time to NOT think about the wedding for a whole five seconds. They have just invested more money than a small car on your left finger, also another reason why we have had a LONG engagement. Not to mention, if your man is everything you want him to be he will have cashed out on your ring and so he’ll be broke for a while anyways *wink wink*
So kids guess WHAT.
No sunshine, rainbows and fairy dust here for day TWO of being engaged- just two fools freaking out. Separately.
Rule one of marriage do things like freaking out TOGETHER.
Phew, breath Jess, stay calm. *sigh*
DOT POINT one : SAVING
“WEDDINGS ARE NOT CHEAP” and for the day we want, with our best humans around us – it doesn’t come at a small cost.
Yes absolutely Craig and I could do it on the cheap, but that’s not us – its not what we as a couple want.
We have thought about running away to elope (we suggested Vegas, the town hall and a registered office but at the end of the day our parents would kill us and they are in this as much as we are. love ya Mum!)
So we continue to laugh each time someone asks us again – “why we are taking our time”
Here’s the standard breakdown of costs for a wedding – that would appear in Hello May… wink wink
- Venue hire and food ( alone ) for 120 people AVERAGE 25k
- Flowers 6k
- Photographer 8k
- Band 3k
- Dress 6k
OK I’m not going any further you can see my drift!!!
DOT POINT Two : ORGANISATION & STRESS
Ok Ok I will admit I’m a perfectionist and I’m organised to the point of annoyance…….. for some. So having a few extra months to play with has been fun!
Weddings are darn stressful for all those involved, so I am trying my best to not make our relationship about “the wedding” as what will Jess and Craig be after the wedding.
Exactly that Jess and Craig.
I don’t ever want us to become to engrossed in the ‘wedding’ that we forget who each other is.
DOT POINT Three : REAL LIFE CHATS
I feel this point is pretty profound as it gives us more time to make sure Craig and I are entering an adult decision respectfully and mutually, we want to ensure all the kinks are ironed out as a team first and foremost. This may be confronting for some but its the darn truth, we adore one another to death but you want to ensure you enter as a team.
Y’all know what the divorce rate is right?
Yeah we kind of – want to maybe avoid that, ya know by being an ADULT.
DOT POINT Four : SUPPLIERS
Having time has absolutely allowed me the space to find the best suppliers for us as a couple and what we as a couple represent.
I quite literally have a girl crush on every single one of my suppliers, I don’t know who to run away with first. Trust me this is not the first nor the last time I say this.
DOT POINT Five : CAKE
You know what a long engagement for me and Craig means… extra cake, – next time you go to a restaurant tell them that you are celebrating your engagement and you will get free cake guaranteed!
Bonus points for those playing at home
Another reason: IN CRAIGS WORDS “it give’s you time to work on you’re I’m getting married body”
In Summary LOL – this isn’t an essay J : OR MAYBE IT IS……….
For us we have wanted to enjoy the ride and sit in the fact that we are engaged, this hopefully will only happen once for us so what is so wrong with wanting that time.
The BEST advice we as a couple have ever received was “Work harder on you as a couple than you do on the Wedding” – and weddings are A LOT of work! it truly stuck with us both.
Prior to actually getting engaged, I had ideas of J’aton……………I think Craig is very thankful that idea went out the window. Honestly I didn’t want this, this is what I thought people would expect me to be in, I put so much pressure one me for no reason. Something I do A LOT, its who I am #sorrynotsorry
How silly am I, girls in their 20s ( god I love being in my 30s)
At the end of that day what matters is us as a couple and the people around us that support just us. They are the people we will be spending our day with and those are the people that will be in our lives forever.
I actually cant wait to call Craig my HUZZY, what I do know is we will be entering the marriage having really spent the time to get our shiz sorted. We have each others backs 100% and you know what, a team like that is unbeatable.
So my friends that you have it #realtalk over #rantover and for those that want to sit back and chill, enjoy it babes it is such a beautiful time for you as a couple. Don’t worry about anybody else thinks SERIOUSLY just don’t.
My advice – Do whatever makes you happy – at the end of that you have each other and that’s what is so special. Work on you as a couple try not to stress about the small stuff and focus on each day making the best out of any situation.If you want to marry the Eiffel tower then baby you have my support.
*The day I got my ring – Approx. six months after proposal.
ALSO one other thing Craig and I are super passionate about is Marriage Equality so the bits about a man and woman marrying don’t mean much to us.
We are all equal!!
To all the babes out there waiting – as always I got ya back sista.
Big Love to my Tiff and my Sarah, who like us are taking their time.
Ok peace out.
Wait. Wait. Wait do I need these?
Link here – Let me know firstname.lastname@example.org, If I get FIVE emails they are mine!!
PSS if anyone asks me the second we get married about babies I may disown you.
*One more take home you don’t ever know what position people are in when is comes to babies, so best to leave it and know in their own time it will either happen or not.